Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Thoughts on #2

As most of you know via that little thing called Facebook, we get to be parents to a little baby boy in about 5 months. We are over-the-moon excited but also a bit nervous (at least I am). I'm not nervous about caring for a boy or how I'm going to be as a Mom with a boy, but I think I'm most nervous about sharing my heart with another little human and Westyn feeling like she is now second best. Don't get me wrong, I already love this little guy beyond words, but Westyn is my soul, my everything, my little sidekick. While she is 100% aware that she is going to have a little brother/be a big sister, it kills me every time I think of her feeling like she is not as loved as before.
I wonder if that certain amount of love you have in your heart quadruples once you have another child?
Do all Mom's expecting #2 feel this way - how can I love another child like I love my first?
Do the older siblings get over it within the first couple of months, or does it depend on their age? (I hope that since Westyn is 3 and 'gets it' that it will be easier on her and she will feel like she is needed).
What can parents' do to show their first that they are still just as special and amazing even though there will be another baby coming along?


Misty Carpinito said...

These were my exact concerns. Best thing I have done is make sure every single day, whether it's 15 minutes or entire afternoon that Henry gets 1:1 time. Not with Oliver in my arms or even around. Just him and I. We both cherish this time together and I believe keeps him feeling safe, loved and important. I also gave him "jobs" to do when baby arrived so he felt involved. It will have ups & downs but in the end the love those two kids will share and the friendship they will create on their own is know look at you and Brandon. Nothing beats it. Take each day (or hour) at a time and you and the whole family will find their role and place with the new addition. CANNOT wait to meet him!

Melissa Moore said...

First of all...Congrats!! A little boy will bring all sorts of new things to your family!! Second...I commend you for opening up and being brutally honest with your concerns. I am here to tell you (along with all of your other friends with more than one) that everything you are feeling is normal, but completely unnecessary. Kids are resilient and Westyn will be just fine. Both Thomas and Taylor have had their moments of jealously and I have had my moments of guilt, but I try to make time for each of them individually and involve them with the new baby. You are a wonderful mom and there is more than enough love in your heart for both!!!!!!

Erin said...

I'm so thrilled that you get to experience a boy! As you know, I only know boys, but they're the best :)
I'm not anywhere near having baby #2 yet, but your exact words have crossed my mind, many a time. I have wondered how on earth I could possibly love another baby as much as I love Raleigh, but I know that somewhere in our hearts, there is a spot reserved for each baby that comes into our lives. You're going to be a wonderful mama to your boy and you will love him just as much as your sweet girl.

Jen said...

Oh, Ash! When we found out our number 2 was actually 2 and 3 my first thoughts were of Calum and how much worse that was for him in that I would never have enough time for him and that maybe worse, other people would constantly overlook him. I cried reading the twins books that told of other siblings acting out and going ignored and sometimes dreaded the changes that were to come. These were heightened when I had to spend 8 days without seeing him whilst in hospital. 7 months on and I can honestly say he probably gets even more love and attention then he ever did before and I can probably count on one hand the times he has shown signs of jealousy towards the babies. Like Misty said, we make time to spend with just C-I do a class with him on the weekends and Mark usually takes him somewhere just the two of them. We made the babies' routine fit around his and went from there. As a Mom you are always going to experience guilt, but far better to feel guilty about spreading your love then about having Westyn not experience life as a sibling (you know how much I have always wanted this, being an only child can be tough).

I also think that you having a boy will make things easier as they will rarely ever have to share toys and won't be as competitive when they are older. Don't worry now about things you cant control or predict, take this time to enjoy the ease of life with just one fairly independent child and be glad that when the time comes if you are still worried, you have lots of amazing mothers in your life to give advice and listen to your concerns x

The Gibson's said...

I immediately had 2 babies, so I've never had these thoughts. But, I can tell heart grows when you have more kids. You love them equally. My friends who have had girls first and now have boys, it's actually really helpful bc the girls LOVE babies. Having multiple kids and watching them play together, makes my heart melt. It's precious to watch sibling relationships grow. Also, congrats to the world of FYI: they are night and day different than girls, so hang on and get ready to RUN!

Loosy said...

You got this momma. There's a home in your heart for a truck load of littles, especially when they start sleeping through the night. ;)

Mo said...

This blog post dated 3/28/12 offers some good advice on adding to the family:

You'll do just fine- having a daughter first is great because they usually love babies and want to help as much as possible!